We open up on a sleeping Bash, who’s dreaming of his encounter with the pagan boy from last week. Meanwhile, Mary wakes up and finds an odd necklace on her pillow. Creepy.
|Mary as she wakes up to find the stag. Good morning to you, too, Mary!
Scheme-y Olivia flags down Francis in the hallway and after some chit chat, Olivia makes some come hither looks and tells Francis she’s more than happy to, uh, attend to him. Afterwards, Catherine and Olivia have a lovely chat, as lovely as nails on a chalkboard.
Mary and her ladies are walking, all decked out in their finest, and Mary steers the conversation in a different direction to keep the others from finding out about Kenna’s love affair with King Henry, aka King Leather Pants.
Enter Bash. He and Mary start strolling, and Mary blames their kiss on her being drunk, as one does in these kinds of situations. Bash is more than happy to let it go, but Mary keeps going and thanks him for the creepy necklace. Bash has no idea what she’s talking about, but when she shows it to him, he freaks out. Awkward.
Oh, look, King Leather Pants rides up in his carriage, much to Kenna’s excitement. But oh, snap. Diane, his not so ex-mistress, is with him. Kenna is one unhappy camper.
Later, Bash pulls Francis and Mary aside to explain how the pagan’s are harassing him because he’s interrupted one too many of their human sacrifices. He then tells them Mary’s creepy new necklace marks her as a living target. Yay for Mary! Not. Mary goes off to question her maids, while Francis continues throwing shade at Bash.
Theory: The maid Mary ends up questioning is probably a pagan.
Kenna is all fury and storms into King Leather Pants’s chambers, where he tries to calm her down by getting all up, close and personal with her lady parts before telling her Diane is now living in a nearby cottage instead of in the castle. Kenna, wake up, honey, when he says it’s “over” with Diane, he’s lying and what he really means is he wants to have sexy time with both of you.
Drip. Drip. Drip. What’s this? Mary wakes and finds the head of a stag hanging from her bed, blood dripping down onto her hand. It’s safe to say she freaks out. As if that’s not enough, the shape of the necklace is now burned into her palm and she’s pretty sure she was drugged. Mary’s week is off to a great start.
Catherine storms into Mary’s room and demands answers as to how the pagans have gotten inside the castle. In response, Mary delivers one of the best zingers of the night: “You’ve had someone break into my room before, you tell us how it’s done.” Catherine also identifies the poison. Suspicious. Mary, being the trooper she is, tells Catherine teamwork is the answer to stopping the pagans.
Kenna gathers her fellow ladies in waiting for a little shindig in the King’s chambers, where she tells them she’s the King’s mistress. They exchange awkward glances with one another, but good ‘ole Lola steps up to the plate and tries to smooth over the situation. Way to take charge, Lola!
Meanwhile, Mary and Catherine hold court and bring in all the servants. Cool-headed Mary pleads for the guilty party to step forward and when nobody does, Catherine gets pissed and declares, “I will send my soldiers to your villages and burn each of your homes to the ground!” Yikes. Hell hath no fury like an uppity queen!
Down in the dungeons, Bash secretly pays a guard to hand over a random prisoner that he can kill so his pagan debt will be settled. While riding through the forest with said prisoner, Bash lies and tells the poor chap they’re on a super special mission. The prisoner isn’t buying it.
The girls are watching some fireworks and Kenna’s sulking over King Leather Pants and his inability to keep it in his pants. Lola tells her to shut up and to look out the window, where Kenna’s name has been written out in lanterns on the lawn. Kenna rushes to King Leather Pants’s chambers where they hug and share a nice little moment. And, surprisingly, the King keeps it in his pants. For now, at least.
Mary and Francis exchange information, but the entire time Francis is throwing even more serious shade at Mary. He finally ends up confessing to witnessing her and Bash kissing.
Meanwhile, the servant girl from earlier (remember my theory?) goes to Catherine, claiming to have information about the bloody stag head. “Contrary to popular opinion I do not relish destroying people’s homes” Catherine says, urging the girl to spill her beans. The servant finally reveals it was one of Catherine’s guards who brought the stag’s head in, but doesn’t remember any specific details. After some quick deduction, Catherine realizes it’s her main man, Robert, who’s behind the nefarious plots. When she goes to confront him, he’s gone and she orders all her other guards to find him.
In the forest with the groveling prisoner, Bash is confronted by a pagan man in a hood (ominous!) and the two draw their weapons and square off. Pagan Man calls Bash out on his pagan heritage, hitting some sore spots. But Pagan Man is a bit old and is no match for Bash, who stabs him. Gross.
A worried Mary asks her sketchy maid where Bash is and stares longingly into the fire while she worries some more. But when Mary catches sight of Sketchy Maid’s hand, which bears the same necklace-shaped burn as Mary’s, Sketchy Maid reveals her true nature and draws a knife from her skirts. Girl is packin’. Don’t fear, though, because Mary’s guards storm in and drag Sketchy Maid away.
Oh, and Bash totally shoves the prisoner he bought off the edge of a cliff because he knew too much about Bash’s mom’s pagan history.
Later on, Bash, Mary, and Francis reconvene and Francis gives an impassioned speech about power and sticking together. Ultimately, though, he tells Mary she’s free to see other people since they’re not really together and he’s strong enough to let her go. But he has one condition: she can’t make out with Bash anymore. Such a party pooper. Francis then stalks off and gets all hot and heavy with Olivia. But they’re not the only ones burning up. Sketchy Maid and Catherine’s guard are burned at the stake and the episode closes with Mary and her ladies watching the executions in horror.
Best Line: Mary:
“You’ve had someone break into my room before, you tell us how it’s done.”
-Where was Creepy Clarissa?
-Where was hottie Leith? I want some Greith action!
Morals of the Episode:
-Don’t Piss Off the Pagans
-Don’t Trust the Maid
-Drinking Leads to Kissing People You Shouldn’t Kiss, Which Leads to Angst From the Dejected Third Party