We open on Bash and Mary racing through the forest on horseback as they attempt to evade a horde of French guards. Even being chased, Mary looks stunning and flawless. The two of them end up at the edge of a cliff. Mary, frustrated, doesn’t want to be dragged back to the French court, but Bash isn’t about to let that happen and the two jump off the cliff and into the water below.
Back at French Court, King Leather Pants is angsty that Mary and Bash have yet to be captured and takes his frustration out on Catherine, going as far as to threaten to behead her if he finds out she had anything to do with Mary’s scandalous departure.
In a humble inn, Bash and Mary warm up by the fire and discuss their situation. Scottish guards barge in and apprehend Bash while Mary hides under the bed. Before the guards can cut off Bash’s fingers, she reveals herself and demands Bash’s release. The guards don’t listen and instead bring them back to the palace, where Bash is escorted to the dungeons and Mary has a pained reunion with Francis before being summoned by King Leather Pants.
Mary pleads her case and continues refusing to marry Francis. Leather Pants threatens to soil her reputation by spreading rumors of the indecent nature about her and Bash. Mary’s not having it, but Leather Pants decides he’ll behead Bash if she doesn’t marry Francis and claim England’s throne.
Later, Catherine corners Mary and suggests she and Bash lie and say they’ve been married. Mary, again, is not having it, and says she’s written to her mother for help. But Leather Pants has beat her to the punch and Mary, seeing no other option, believes she must tell Francis about Nostradamus’s prophecy.
Speaking of, Nostradamus goes down into his secret dungeon and chastises Creepy Clarissa some more about killing Aylee, telling her “monsters like you” do not play God. Ouch. Before leaving, he tosses her an old doll, which she soon realizes has a wooden stake-like object in it. She seems pretty jazzed about it.
Mary, dressed to the nines, confronts Francis and finally tells him about Nostradamus’ visions. He thinks she’s cray-cray for believing the old/hot kook, and she tries vehemently to convince him, inadvertently revealing that Catherine and Nostradamus are in cahoots. Still, Francis isn’t giving up, and Mary begs him to stop and when he refuses, she walks away. Man, she’s really good at stalking off.
Turns out Mary has stormed off to confront Leather Pants and Catherine to present a third option: she’ll claim the English throne, but only if Bash is legitimized and the two of them are married. *insert plot twist gasp here* After dropping this bomb on them, Mary leaves Catherine and the King to discuss, because after all, if Bash becomes the new heir, Catherine will be left with nothing. Distraught, Catherine pleads with her husband not to agree to Mary’s terms and reveals the two youngsters aren’t even in love.
Mary reconvenes with her ladies, and all Kenna can worry about is where she’ll end up should Bash become the heir. Selfish, much? Though, she sort of redeems herself by sharing her theories about Aylee’s death. This revelation throws a kink in Mary’s belief in Nostradamus’s visions. So what does she do? She bursts into Catherine’s rooms and asks her point blank if she poisoned Aylee. Catherine denies it, but realizes Aylee was killed by the poison she gave Mistress Diane to use on Kenna. Catherine, feeling remorseful, tries to find a new solution to everything. Mary gets all up in her face and says, “I am saving your son. I have made my sacrifice. Now it’s your turn.” Mary wants to go tell Francis about her marriage to Bash, but Catherine’s already done so. Yikes.
Obviously Francis doesn’t take this news very well and winds up beating up Bash in the dungeons. Mary charges in, pulls them apart, and spills the beans. Francis rages, borderline Hulk, and storms off. Bash isn’t too fond of the new plan either.
Catherine confronts Nostradamus about the visions he’s been keeping from her. Their plan to keep Mary and Francis separated has gone a little too well. Catherine orders her guard to kill Mary and Bash and make it look as though they ran off again.
The guard can’t find Mary, though, and it turns out she’s in a secret meeting in a secret room with
Leather Pants and Bash. The King agrees to Mary’s terms, but he still has to convince the Pope to legitimize Bash. Mary wonders what will happen to Catherine and the King says he can handle her. How? Well, he has her guard hanged in her room and then drags her to the throne room where Mary and Bash stand awkwardly to the side as he demands an annulment. Before Catherine can argue, Francis strides in and plays the martyr by pretending everything’s all fine and dandy. Nice try, Francis.
Knowing an annulment won’t be enough to satisfy her husband, Catherine decides she must leave, using a cover story of visiting an aunt at a convent. Just as she’s about to ride off her in her carriage, Leather Pants arrives and orders her to be imprisoned while he’s away in Rome. “Whoremonger,” she says angrily, which he counters with “Devil.” Dialogue gold, right there, folks.
Meanwhile, Nostradamus decides to be friendly and brings Creepy Clarissa some food. When he’s distracted, Clarissa stabs him in the neck and escapes while he gushes blood. Gross.
We end the night with Mary and Bash reflecting on their new situation and—wait, is Mary making googley eyes at him? Uh oh, the love triangle may officially be starting.
Best Line: Catherine: “Whoremonger.”
-Where was Leith?
Moral of the Episode:
Mary Is Super Awesome At Walking Out of a Room